Chapter fourteen

I decided not to get up from the ground, just in case this one had a temper like Dex’. I just looked up at the newest little fucker for a while, at his smiling face. Did it even register that I had socked him? I guess not, he looked pretty happy. This one wasn’t like Dex, which I guess was a good start. But since my estimations had placed all extant robots on a terrorist watchlist, this guy currently ranked number two on my list of people to murder. Lucky for him I didn’t have the energy right then; I think I sprained my wrist something awful on the combination punch/fall.

“Master Skunk is not in right now. How then may I be of service?” the bot asked me. I could see pretty well now. This kid was as doe-eyed as they come, green as a sapling, a noob. I was hoping he was gullible too. I couldn’t believe how really-real this kid looked in that moment; the pain my hand informed me of his metal interior, though. I plotted, and planned a little, and the little man just waited. No, this guy was nothing like Dex [I was halfway hoping, in that moment, to find more robots on board so I could move this nice fellow down to number three or four on my bucket list: “Robots I must dismember before I die.”], for he was actually a nice guy. When I was ready, I used a sing-song voice to match his cheery tone.

“I’m looking for a book on robots.” He took my hand softly (like a child would), turned about-face, and led me at a languid pace toward the section I requested. He was very gentle, and acquiescent. Didn’t he have questions for me? Or at least some kind of command for me, as Dex did? Nothing. Tabula rasa. Just the way I like ‘em.

“My name is Lester,” I said, adding more cheer to the washload.

“No, it’s not,” he responded. “But I will respect your request, Master Lester.” He must have thought I was this Chris guy, too.

“What’s your name?”

“I don’t have –”

“Oh, right. What should I call you?”

“My model name is Solomon Learned. I preferred to be called, ‘Neddy’.” I couldn’t see the derivation at the time – Now I get it! – I figured I should respect his wishes too. Neddy is a much better moniker than Dex anyway, in my opinion.

“What were ya doin’ down here, Neddy? All alone in the dark?”

“I wasn’t required for duty, so I powered down for the duration of the trip. Beforehand, my Master informed me that, should there be a need for my services, I ought to make myself available, since he could not be present for this voyage. I assure you I am quite capable of providing you with all the information you might need.” We had been walking for a few minutes now, which further galvanized my inclination that this place was the locus crucis of my nocturnal journey; it was the belly of that great beast.

“What did you call this ship: the Moon-Moth? Why does it say Mon-mouth on the back of it?”

“The pronunciation of certain words differ in our language from your Modern English. For example, your name would be spelled L-L-E-I-S-T-O-W, were I to write it down for somebody else to read.” This was strange, but it made sense I guess. It was weird enough that the damn robot could understand me at all. Shoulda guessed I was dreaming, really.

“So what about Dion? How do you spell that?”

“T-H-I-O-N-N-E,” the robot said. Pretty odd spelling. I will have to share it with Dion, I thought, after I remove the Deck-setter’s electric heart and devour it, that is. I kept up the dialogue with the latest robot, all the while smiling, so he wouldn’t be able to discern my intentions in case a dour glance leaked from my shiny visage.

“Will I have any trouble reading these books? I mean, since our languages look different when they’re written out?”

“Not likely, since most of these tomes were scribed during a period when others wrote the way you do. Should you encounter any trouble, though, I assure you that my ability to translate is top-notch.” This guy was very good at assuring, so it appeared. “Here we are, section 82: Robotics.”

Of course it was the number eighty-two, and of course I was dreaming. The section consisted of the five-some-odd stories of books, extending about the length of a city block.

“Is that all you’ve got?” I inquired sarcastically. He giggled a little. I guess I should have been surprised that the androids had a sense of irony, but I wasn’t. I would have to be subtle, otherwise he might detect my motives in uncovering such a book. “Can you tell me what books are best for learning how to dismantle a robot?”

“There is one book that the captain insists upon using when a robot malfunctions, thus it has great cohesive detail regarding the subject which you intend to peruse,” the kid barked. There’s a captain? He continued: “It is called The History of Systech and Its Application within the Connexus by D. D. Demeter. Aside from having easy-to-read schematics for all Solomon model robots, it explains the nuances of each, like my own cheerful demeanor, for example. In addition you will find appendices that explain how Systech chips were originally formed, and the development of the omnipresent Connexus. Also it has an extensive section on preventing the onset of calypsus, a deadly robot condition. I recommend this above all others; it’s written in your tongue, and it is the most comprehensive volume we have. Will this book be satisfactory?”

“Fuck yeah!” I exclaimed. Then he started to levitate, up-up-and-away toward the vaulted ceiling; I couldn’t tell quite how he did it. Maybe it was a trick with magnets, or else Neddy had mini rocket boosters. So that’s how he gets up there! Who needs a ladder when you’ve got a jetpack? It astounds me, now, to think of the things I witnessed in that dream.

Truly though, I didn’t care much about the phenomenon at the time; my mind was still set to task. And even amid my subdued elation at the nice robot, the world remained just as dark in my view. I was so sure, now, that I would be able to avenge Queenie. Surely I could dismantle him now, or worse. I sat back down on the comfy floor, readying myself to read, thinking of that weird word “calypsus” and how I was going to find a way prove black dude wrong.

I was going to kill that fucker Dex with robot Parkinson’s.