There are physical forces that can render your robot useless. In our studies, we have discovered that well-placed explosives and/or incendiary devices were able to destroy several of the Solomon models. This, of course, required precise knowledge of the robot’s weak points – something only we engineers really know – so it is highly unlikely that this experiment could be duplicated. Also, we smashed a Solomon model in a car-crusher made for big-rigs, and the results were devastating. Fortunately the Systech processor was entirely intact, uncorrupted and ever-ready for imprintation.
Another type of force that we have discovered in the field is one called Feral Adaptation. Due to the android’s ability to recognize patterns in the structure of the natural world, some robots convince themselves that the survival of the fittest is their number one directive. This had myriad results: groups of robots banding together like packs of wolves, Self-Loathing (a situation where the robot continually attempts to destroy itself), asceticism, spontaneous nuclear family formation, and robots going on killing sprees as a result of post-traumatic stress. The chance of this occurring autonomously within your model is less than a hundredth of a percent, so rest assured (See our Contact Information, if your robot has become the victim of Feral Adaptation).
Additionally, we have the force of human intelligence. The hardest one to singularly qualify, it should be said that this phenomenon is actually an intense form of Feral Adaptation. This, we call Mesmerization. Due to its volatility and prevalence, we must warn all users of Solomon models about it. Some people may be able to influence robots with their minds. Eventually, the Robot’s imprintation will recognize another as the Primary user, so be wary and heed these warning signs. Ask yourself:
• Has your robot taken a liking to someone other than the Primary?
• Has this person desired to have time alone with the robot?
• Has your robot refused any of your orders lately?
• Has your robot been withholding things, literally or figuratively?
• Have you noticed any difference in its attitude or demeanor in general?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you ought to utilize the Contact Information to correct the situation. Before long, you could find yourself without your chrome companion!
Unfortunately, although these are all the mundane attacks that a Solomon model would ordinarily be subject to, there are many more threats in the world. Viruses that attack computers are able to attack robots, so make certain that you keep the housing clean. It is unlikely that someone would be able to infect the robot directly, so an attack of this nature would most likely stem from the Unit Housing itself. We recommend having backup imprintations and parts (particularly if the virus results in Self-Loathing). Consult the Catalogue of Upgrades and Extras if you desire to fortify the housing or your android in any way.
There are attacks that will be available to the miscreants of the future. We have found some ways to protect against them with shielding, reversal magnets, and through gravitational cancellation. We predict that there will be a force called Magic in the future that we will not be able to combat against directly. The result of Magic’s influence upon a robot will cause a fail-safe to deploy. The robot will come down with the condition Quipzux (prounounced calypsus).
These attacks and forces could result in the destruction of either you or your robot, and we have listed here several options at your disposal. For your safety, we recommend that you test or practice some of these methods on a compliant android before you attempt to save a malfunctioning one.
The Kill Switch
There exists a tiny button behind almost every Solomon model’s neck that will render the robot inoperable for about twenty seconds. After such a time, the Systech processor will undergo an environment analysis, to determine if there is a dangerous threat, an accident, or an example of justified retaliation. If it detects that the attack was justified, the system will shut down until the Primary elects to utilize her or his key to awaken the bot. If it was an accident or a threat, the robot will reanimate, activating the proper protocols for such a situation.
If you ask a robot to trip its Kill Switch, it must comply. Even if under Mesmerization, a robot will still allow it (though it may remain unable to recognize the Primary). This is much like rebooting a computer, and fortunately, it will never permanently shut itself down if you ask first. It may shut down, however, if it has suffered severe trauma (e.g. from explosives) or if Systech believes in any way that the robot could become dangerous when re-animated.
Warning: if you intend to maliciously trip a robot’s kill switch, it is highly unlikely that you will be able to reason with it afterward if you are not the Primary. During the twenty seconds that pass, it will review digital recordings from the moments prior to pressing the switch in order to determine the nature of the threat, and whether or not re-activation is possible and/or necessary. In the event your robot does not activate when it should, and if you do not have the key or the Primary, then contact us for steps to manually reactivate your robot. Otherwise start running, or find a good place to hide.
The Kill Switch has many drawbacks though. It cannot help a robot with Quipzux, as the threat of Magic will be much greater than any other outside threat. Also, many of our models do not even have a Kill Switch because they have programming designed for combat. Included among them: Solomon Moredread, Solomon Trusted, Solomon Decksetter, and Solomon Bulldozer. All other Solomon models, including rough-and-tumble types like Solomon Barback, have the Kill Switch.
Lockdown
The Unit Housing can easily be converted into a temporary prison for any Solomon model. Be aware, though, that a retaliatory android may prove difficult to force into its housing. Rest assured: the Unit Housing is always considered a safe haven to the Systech processor, even in times of trial. And once the robot returns to the Unit Housing, a Solomon model will not fight back because it knows the structure cannot be penetrated by normal means.
The hardest part of this method is convincing the robot to return. If you are the Primary, it is simple: just say the words, “It’s time for bed, Solomon __________,” where blank denotes the specific type of robot. If you are not the Primary, you must come up with a convincing reason to usher the robot back to the Unit Housing. This should not be too difficult if you have established any rapport at all with the android.
Once at the interface for the Unit Housing, access the control tower. There a several tiers to choose from here; select the tier entitled, “Lockdown.” Note: the robot will not be able to detect the reprogramming, as the Unit Housing cloaks all activity within control tower. Upon entry, Lockdown will secure the robot within, under house arrest, and you will be able to reprogram it very easily using the interface.
Again it needs must be mentioned: if your robot has come down with Quipzux, this solution shall be inutile. An android under the influence of Quipzux cannot comply with any commands, thusly preventing you from returning the unit to its housing. See the upcoming section for more details.
Leadfoot and Feeblejoint
These two protocols are the most useful – if not the most difficult – of all the safety programs to enact. An unruly robot may cause a good deal of damage if not restrained quickly and simply, and each of these actions will do just that. We always recommend using Leadfoot before using Feeblejoint, as the latter can grow into a bit of a mess.
Leadfoot will cause the robot to stop in its tracks instantly, disallowing any movement below the waist. We believe with a little practice and some luck that you will find this option to be functionable and sound, especially if you still need the use of the android’s arms for whatever reason. The robot will not be able to lift its own legs until the Primary has accessed the proper Unit Housing interface alleviation program, entitled Lightfoot.
Unfortunately, Leadfoot requires some trickery to enable. Only a strong person should attempt it; it must be someone who could easily squat hundreds of pounds in a gymnasium. The individual must stomp as hard as possible on both the right and left feet of the robot, within the duration of a single second. Sensors will detect the stomps and immediately enact the protocol Leadfoot. If one treads too lightly, or if there is too much time in between stomps, the execution will fail, and the android will know your intentions forthwith. It is possible to enact the measure with a sledgehammer, but be sure to recognize that the robot will immediately know your desire to induce Leadfoot and will not allow you to hammer both feet in succession – certainly not with only a single second to execute it in. If you cannot visualize yourself succeeding the first time, do not attempt this method.
Feeblejoint isn’t all that difficult to enact, since it does not require the brute force that Leadfoot does. Working in much the same way as Leadfoot, Feeblejoint requires the user to touch the four major joints of the main extremities – knees and elbows – within five seconds. Again, sensors will detect your touch, and begin the protocol Feeblejoint. If five seconds pass before you complete it, then it will fail.
For a stealthy person, fortunately, it is very unlikely that the robot will even notice you are attempting to enact such a protocol; feel free to try it again. If successful, all of the robot’s joints will no longer function. The robot will fall to the ground and, like a turtle on its back, the android will not be able to make any significant moves whatsoever. The robot will retain all of its higher processes, but it will be a useless clump of metal whilst affected by Feeblejoint; this technique is not for the faint of heart. Be sure to utilize alleviation program Rejoindure in order to bring the android back to a functioning state.
Beheading
Naturally this method should be thought of as a last resort. We do not recommend this at all; please attempt all other methods before even considering this. We do not have any suggestions as to how you sever the brainstem; in fact, the only method that we know that works at all is a well-placed incendiary device. Again, as an alternative, we would have you place the unruly robot back in the impenetrable box you received it in and ship it back to us, rather than chop off its head.
There are so many drawbacks to using this method that only a few of them will be mentioned here. First, do not touch the fibre-infused plasma-gel that oozes from the body, because you will receive an electric shock. Second, anything strong enough to sever the stem of a Solomon is certainly strong enough to injure you as well, so take caution. Third, if you fail in severing the head on your first try and you are not the Primary, a vendetta will be logged within the Systech processor, and you will be subject to immediate retaliation.
Note: a severed head is a quagmire. The plasma-gel can be harmful to many surfaces. Other Solomon models can be affected in divers ways if they touch the plasma-gel. The body will continue to writhe afterward too, so make certain to restrain it; the body will cease functioning about a minute after the beheading. The single advantage of a severed head is that the Systechnology will be perfectly intact, and the imprintation upon it can be easily transferred to a new model. Feel free to contact us if you feel you are justified in beheading your robot, and we will gladly replace the Solomon unit.
Quipzux
Quipzux can happen only when the laws of the natural, physical world are broken. If a robot somehow understands or expects such a phenomenon, then its circuitry will be considered immune and Quipzux will not occur. However, if any magical attack is made directly upon an android, the attacker will suffer the wrath of Quipzux. Also, any robot afflicted with Quipzux will infect any other android in the vicinity (as dictated by the protocol), so be aware of the location of all Solomon units at a given time.
This section is not to be read as an explanation of how to cause Quipzux so much as it is to be read as a warning. If your robot has come down with the affliction, the first warning sign is in the eyes: the color will turn to a deep red, and the pupils will all but vanish. Also, the observer will see the robot raise its arms into the air and it will look straight up into the sky. At the same time, the torso will rotate upon an axis while its feet stay firmly planted on the ground. Finally, a spotlight will extend vertically from the robot, and the countdown will begin. At this point, it is recommended that you leave the area, as those who use Magic may wax retaliative at the subsequent actions of your robot. If you do remain though, fear not: the robot cannot hurt you in a state of Quipzux.
The user of Magic, on the other hand, will be in another dimension of pain. The robot will enact a protocol involving the Magic of Song, which will sound like pleasant classical music to the robot’s unmagical allies. The Magician will experience mind-numbing pain, as the robot’s music targets only those adept in witchcraft. This will allow you to dispatch the user of Magic quickly and easily. Note: prolonged exposure to the effects of Quipzux are torturous, and any Magician ought to be removed from the premises as soon as possible. Multiple androids suffering from Quipzux could kill a person of Magic with over-exposure in a matter of minutes.
Ultimately, if a robot has come down with Quipzux, there is very little one can do. If the Primary is present, a series of passwords may be enacted to eventually return the robot to normalcy. Do not attempt to cure the robot if you are not the Primary and, if you have Magicians present, please immediately use any of the other aforementioned methods to restrain and/or compartmentalize the android. As soon as humanly possible, we ask that you place the robot gently back in the impenetrable box, and ship him back to us. Quipzux is not the end! We will gladly re-imprint the Systech processor into a new android in a timely manner. Again, we know you have thousands of models to choose from, and we heartily thank you for selecting Solomon-brand robots!
